March 1, 2008

I switch on and off. Thats what he says at least. Worst thing is…I know he’s probably right. He knows me like the back of his hand and so I can’t pull my ambiguous card on him. He knows every time we get into a tense situation and I say “whatever” it means I feel threatened or feel like I’ll get hurt if I keep going on that road. He knows that my jokes and making light moments out of not so light moments are just my way of diffusing a situation and not having to think about or deal with issues. I don’t know why I don’t let him take care of me. I guess I’m just used to taking care of myself. I do let him sometimes. I find myself letting go to him and letting myself be that vulnerable person that I try so hard not to be. But just as I find myself letting go, I grab a hold of things again. It feels like walking across a suspended pole or one of those rickety bridges. I feel a bit unsure of myself as I let go. Thing is, I know I should try not be. I know I can trust him. I know I should. But it’s alot easier said than done.

And why is it that I always like people who are on the other side of the universe from me? Seriously!! I’m beginning to think its my ineptitude to be in a relationship with someone who is right there with me. But this one….this one stings, burns and any other synonym you can fit in there. It does so because I want to come home to him. I want to learn the boring game of golf because he likes it so much and I would love to walk around a green chasing a little ball because I would be doing it with him. He knows just how to make me laugh from so far away when I’ve got the flu. I want to take care of him when he has the flu even though like most men, he thinks he’s this big strong he-man that doesn’t need taking care of. I know he likes it when I do. I want to go walking into town with him because we like the same things. He knows I’m not the girlie girl type and I’m fine in my slacks, vans and a tee even on a night out and he’s cool with that. I want to smell him around me every day because he has that yummy smell that belongs to just him. I want to have our silly arguments because he knows I’m competitive and understands my jokes and I get his and we have fun together being competitive. I want to wake up to him and not just him on my wall.

I don’t really know what it is that we have right now…it’s sort of hanging in the “unknown” right now. I still feel like we are but we both know we’re free to mingle, but we can’t and so it’s complex and …. oh I don’t know…set a butterfly free etc I keep repeating to myself!



  1. I was here 🙂
    Something resonates about a hundred times

  2. Let yourself free for once and let it flow.

  3. This is too familiar, if only it was easy to let go. ((kips))

  4. As people begin to age the gods employ corrupting tactics. They ultimately begin to look down on the children and the wisdom they recently understood:::
    They voluntarily turn their back on their opportunity to ascend and instead embrace evil.
    It’s not old people who go to heaven. Old people must come back because of the mistakes they’ve made throughout their lives. Children are the ones who have the opportunity to ascend.

    Children are discounted by adults in society. The gods corrupt people as they age, use trust-building tactics and soon adults view the children as ignorant, yet to understand the god’s system, and subsequently look down on the children. This is one of the most bitter, painful ironies the gods employ, for people consciously turn their back on and lose their opportunity to ascend::::
    Religions teach that old people to go to heaven when they die. They don’t. Old people are reincarnated. It’s the children who go to heaven, those who have a chance at immortality.
    The wisdom the gods impart to children, either through their innocence/purity or religious-based educational pursuits are the gods sharing the truth with their most favored people::::It’s the children whom the gods teach the right way for it is the children who have a chance. For example, they teach children to have faith, for understanding the god’s geographical clues hurts people by illustrating negative things, opening the door for the god’s to employ deceptive tactics.
    Old people don’t go to heaven. Old people must come back because of the mistakes they’ve made throughout their lives. It’s the children who have the opportunity to go to “heaven”. They must behave apprioriately, think correctly and be genuinely god-fearing. Their innocence and lack of desensitization ensures they have a real opportunity to achieve this goal.

    This is charecteristic of the gods methodology::::The big prize gone early, deception compels people to chase something that has already been decided. They sent this clue with boss as well. It is also a clue supporting my claim RW&B’s german is in fact Christianity’s Anti-Christ. Logic also dictates, considering the definition.
    The confusion over this multi-dimentional positioning will serve as an effective tactic, eliminating many additional disfavored in the process, for positioning states the Apocalypse to be a continuation of WorldWarII’s Aryan superrace ideals, positioned as punishment for the 5th century invastion of the Roman Empire:::John’s Fourth Reich.
    This amounts only to “nested theater”:::::Levels of positioning enables the gods to scapegoat:::::RW&B merely is the tool the gods chose to execute the final scene of their scripted theater that is human history.

    Just as they would have had me chase boss so would they have wanted me to sign on to this theater, evil by definition, and chase this role of Anti-Christ. By doing so I would have incurred evil and would have been punished, painfully “losing” Anti-Christ in the process.
    Does that mean RW&B is not the Anti-Christ?? I suspect as they would have “offered” it to me so will there be a fake Anti-Christ for those in these generations to accept as well. But it is a clone host. This is ALL clone host theater, created not as a clue to me but instead designed to be preditory on the disfavored, designed to increase indecency and further the god’s goal of justification towards The End.
    We were all merely peasants centuries ago, struggling with our disfavor, but without the enormity of temptations, real and telepathic, which exist today.

    They have shared I was positioned to some disfavored as the Second Coming of Christ, explaining all the evil surrounding me and RW&B’s placement in the “eye of The Beast” was to positon the sabotage of my candidacy (Damien Omen, Big Army Men, etc).
    The Big Lie of course is that Christianity is evil. The reverse positioning nature of Planet Earth dictates that good is demonized, as we wintessed in World War II, while evil is put on a pedistal, as we see with the Italians.
    The truth? The gods used their tools to create this and the rest of the incidents surrounding this Situation to distract the people from my message, for I speak the truth:::Only you can save you. You have to be responsible for your own relationship with the gods.

    The gods are asexual. They have no sex organs nor rectums.
    When the gods take children these individuals have the opportunity to become “god-like”. Temptations are employed and, if sucessful, these are the individuals who make up the human race’s immortals.
    I believe there are opportunities that exist for females that do no exist for males. I don’t mean to paint with a broad brush but women’s “sexual peak” may represent the transistion to “sociological males” and their “fall from grace”. Considering today’s promiscuity I question whether this is currently applicable, and is yet anther 20th century-earlier phenominah.
    I believe Purgatory is real. I think it is a temporary destination, perhaps sparsely utilized until the Apocalypse, but this will be the destination for those who “ascend” during the event. As they’ve said this planet will too be disposed of one day and it is imperative people try to avoid that destination, for there may be no escaping its fate.

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