I must say, I have missed blogging.  I think the break is enough now.  I’ve got the flu again.  It feels like my head is in a bucket.  I’m love struck.  Yup.  That three months pregnant happy glow?  Yeah I’ve got that glow without the pregnancy.  I’m glowing.  But like I said before, its a glow that has notes of sadness in it.  But anyway, I just can’t seem to get my head down to concentrate on stuff I need to be doing.  I think it may be signs of burn out that I really don’t need right now.  I just need to shake it off and do what needs to be done.  Worse still, the other day someone said to me “it must be sad to see your country war torn”.  I just stood there in disbelief.  My country, war torn?  Did war and Kenya just get put in the same sentence?  It’s always been, yeah there’s a bit of unrest, but this “little bit of unrest” just seems to be getting greater by the day.  And so everything else just seems so mundane.  I mean what do I have to complain about?  My flu?   Too many assignments?  Well thats seems so useless compared to people loosing lives, homes, property, basically everything.  So between my sneezes, I shall pray.  I shall send up as many prayers that I can.  I feel completely useless from here, but I can pray.

God bless Kenya

I wish it didn’t have to be quite so hard. I miss him. There isn’t much we can do about it and we’re both wise enough to figure that with him there and me here it can’t work and it would be torture for nothing. But this is torture. It’s been a few years since I saw him, but still he’s still the easiest person for me to be around. He still knows me. Knows that I blush. Knows that I have a killer pride sometimes – and knows how to get around it! It was as if we both hadn’t gone anywhere for all this time. The way he reached for my hand was still the same. All the little things, – they were all the same. The smell that belongs to him, the way he acts all protective over me. It just came all back.

So we decided to let go…for now. But everything is so raw and so fresh and all the feelings and the giddy emotions are still with me. I haven’t been able erase all the texts off my phone. Everything somehow reminds me of him. I guess it’ll get better, but right now it doesn’t feel too good…

rant on…

So I’m back in Finland.  Yes blogging has gone a bit dead for me.  With being an intern and running around the Kenyan countryside to places with phone network, let alone internet, blogging became a rumour.  But maybe I’m back, well almost, well until my blogging mojo gets back to where it used to be.  I’m not quite there yet truth be told.

So, Kenya was great apart from the last like 2 weeks of my stay there.  One of which was spent in what felt like house arrest.  Honestly, I am so pissed with everything, with the lie in what we thought was democracy, with the leaders, no scratch that, politicians who have nobody else’s interests at heart but their own.  I’m sick of them all.  I’m sick of seeing my country on international news up there right next to Iraq and Pakistan.  I’m sick of things like “killing fields”, “genocide” and all the other morbid words being used in reference to my country.  I’m sick of it all.   I hate the violence, I hate the tribalism, I hate what we’ve all been reduced to.  And yes, as much as I blame our good for nothing politicians, I blame us.  I blame that person who goes on to burn someone’s kiosk, who goes on to loot, who goes on to raise a finger to a person of another tribe!  I blame that person almost as much as I blame the politicians.  These politicians who will never care about their people – clearly they don’t if they can sit and watch or sit and use their nation as sacrificial lambs all for the sake of this “power” that seems to have totally possessed them!  It’s disgusting!!