1. You have fallen in love with the wrong person again.
2. Remember that he is the cage and you are the animal. He is your failing grace and the freckle on your eyelid. A blemish on otherwise flawless skin. Smooth out your skirt and do not look at him.
3. When he calls, do not answer. When he texts, do not answer. Somewhere out there is The One, and you will miss him if you’re too busy lusting after the pulse of a man who doesn’t even worry when he hears that you’ve been crushed under the pressure of living.
4. Somewhere out there is a man willing to swallow your sadness whole. A man who would sew flower seeds into your front yard, plant a garden down your spine and speak galaxies to you.
5. You’ve hung his name up in lights on the red carpet in your mind. Take the sign down. Let it rust in the back alley of your gut.
6. List his faults in alphabetical order: Anger issues, bad posture, crooked teeth, dangerous, emotionally fragile, fake, greedy, helpless, like a child –
7. Remember what you told your mom? The last thing you need now is a child.
8. If he makes you cry more often than he makes you laugh, do not let him back into your bed.
9. Some day you will both be dead, and you are wasting your time now. Rip the letters he wrote you to shreds and flush the remainders down the toilet.
10. Braid bravery in between the lines of your poems. You are not the weak girl he fell for years ago. Remember: he doesn’t love you. Unglue your heart from his and move on.
Don’t marinate in your sadness. You are not a steak. You are a person; you’re irreplaceable. Open yourself up to contentment. Bathe in the rivers of Glee. Go for hikes with Satisfaction. Sleep in a warm cocoon of blankets with Bliss. Let endless happiness overcome your hopeless sadness. You deserve to be happy. If life is a game and you are the referee, be biased for once and let happiness win.
a star is still a star
But we need to remember, when the shadows lengthen and the nights grow ever longer, that we bring our own light into the darkness. That even when it burns out, a star is still a star. And you are still you. And your light is as true and as necessary and as ever present as the North Star that still guides the sailors home.
I was told it’s like uprooting a big grand mugumo tree. It feels like it’s coming up little by little. The ground around me is a mess. But it has to be a mess. Nobody else can help me do the uprooting. They all said time makes it easier. It does. It doesn’t just disappear, but every day, I find a remember something new. Remember myself and my worth and the fact that I’m better than some of those moments. When I speak to him and he says stupid things like he wants to be who he was 6 years ago. My soul says no. No I will not be with a person that weak. It hurts and hurts to come to terms with the fact that I loved him, still love him and it’s unhealthy. It’s taken it’s toll and is still taking it’s toll. There is an internal struggle in me because I know I deserve so much more and yet he makes me week and my heart wants to be with him. But they say clean cuts work best. Making a clean break. Just cut him out. It doesn’t make it easier when I bump into his mother at the shopping mall. So here is to a little faith that it all works out in the end somehow.
“It takes a lot more courage to let something go than it does to hang on to it, trying to make it better. Letting go doesn’t mean ignoring a situation. Letting go means accepting what is, exactly as it is, without fear, resistance, or a struggle for control. Letting go means standing still and letting the world, or a piece of it, crumble at your feet while saying to yourself, “Mmmm, that’s interesting!”
“Struggle guides everyone’s life. Struggle leads human beings from untruth to truth, from darkness to light, and from death to immortality. Struggle is everyone’s friend. It is proper to welcome struggle. Its arrival is always auspicious. It is such a noble door that it never asks the recipient to come to it. It goes to the door of the individual, gives whatever it wants to give, gives it privately, and walks away silently. Struggle is a very skillful sculptor. It creates a very beautiful idol from an ugly rock. It changes the sub-human into an ideal human being and transforms an ordinary human being into a deva (human deity) who is respected by the whole world. Struggle is a subtle sculptor who shapes the life of every great master of the world into a unique and unparalleled work of art.” ~ Swami Kripalvanandji on Struggle
I did one of the hardest things yesterday. It lifted a weight off my shoulders and as much as it feels amazing, it’s left me with a hollow place. It’s not the confused sad that I have been, but it’s a settling hurt. It’s a quiet hurt that is there and the universe again gives me little things like music. This has been playing today.