snowpeas…

I like snow peas strangely enough!  I hated them while I was growing up…but I have fallen in love with them recently and its strange and uncanny.

Right, other than my sudden love for snow peas, miss Kipepeo here has been quite busy - thus the not blogging too much.  Well, I finally presented my thesis, did my maturity test and now just waiting for my graduation date to come round.  With my excitement of actually finally finishing, a sense of impending doom has been creeping up on me.  Quarter life crisis hello….So I find myself asking myself a gazillion questions….the biggest one being….so what next?  See with globalisation, the world is that much smaller and I would basically be able to go anywhere.  But where and how?  And do I want to do my masters straight away or do I want to have a school break first.  If I do take a break, who’s going to hire me.  And if I get hired, hello!!  I have a degree so it better not be some job busting tables or anything like that.  But then who’s going to give me a decent job with just one degree….and the endless questions go on and on and on like an annoying energizer bunny.  So as I took a break from asking myself all these questions, my girlfriends and I were in the super market.  I was carrying a packet of tomato soup and trying to decide whether I wanted to buy ham or salami to go with my rice cakes.  When the head of international….uhm…..something?  Don’t really know what exactly came up to me.  He explained that the Finnish minister of migration and european affairs was coming to give a talk at our uni about the whole international students and jobs etc and he would like for me to say a few words after that.  So being me, ofcourse I agreed.  So that was what I was up to today.

So there are alot of things to talk about when you think about international students in Finland and the whole work thing.  So firstly they are talking about increasing the number of hours international students can work…thats all well and good, but there are no  jobs for international students so even if they did increase them, it really doesn’t make a difference.  Then what is really interesting for me…the Finnish government has highly subsidized education for all including the international students - when I say highly, I mean completely!!  I don’t know how they can afford it.  Of course you pay in other ways but thats not the point I’m trying to make.  So they do this, and they offer some english programmes, albeit they are not too many, but the number of programmes being offered in english is growing.  So you get your Finnish degree which is something as they are high up there in education rankings.  Then, because you can’t find a job here in Finland, you take your amazing Finnish degree and leave and take your knowledge to another place.  You can’t find a job because of the language.  Now finnish is like no other language.  It’s related to nothing but maybe Hungarian.  The population of Finland is 5 million and no other country speaks their language.   Ask me to learn French or Spanish and thats a different story.  But Finnish???  I doubt it.  And many more like me don’t bother to learn the language.  Then the country realises - oh sh**, we’re going to have a huge problem with the workforce because we just don’t have enough babies being born.  There are 400,000 people leaving the workforce due to retirement than there are young people getting into the workforce.  Thats a big number for a country with such a small population.  So now they are thinking about outsourcing workers.  Then I ask.  You educate all these people to your standards, they know your system are used to living here, then you literally kick them out because they can’t find jobs and you turn around and go looking for people to work?  I don’t know, but that doesn’t make too much sense to me.  So this lady spoke and said how the key is in language.  Now there are many reasons why people come to Finland.  A big one is love.  You meet a Finnish person, fall in love and move to Finland.  Of course you have to learn the language.  You chose that life and have to fit in.  But for me a student its different.  My degree is in english, you decided to give you tax money for the purpose of educating me, hey good for me.   If I can’t find a job, I don’t need to stay.  I just take my degree and leave.  Simple.  But I guess the world isn’t that simple and isn’t all black and white - its all about the greys in between….

Kate Nash

It’s the sweetest song ever!!

again!

I switch on and off. Thats what he says at least. Worst thing is…I know he’s probably right. He knows me like the back of his hand and so I can’t pull my ambiguous card on him. He knows every time we get into a tense situation and I say “whatever” it means I feel threatened or feel like I’ll get hurt if I keep going on that road. He knows that my jokes and making light moments out of not so light moments are just my way of diffusing a situation and not having to think about or deal with issues. I don’t know why I don’t let him take care of me. I guess I’m just used to taking care of myself. I do let him sometimes. I find myself letting go to him and letting myself be that vulnerable person that I try so hard not to be. But just as I find myself letting go, I grab a hold of things again. It feels like walking across a suspended pole or one of those rickety bridges. I feel a bit unsure of myself as I let go. Thing is, I know I should try not be. I know I can trust him. I know I should. But it’s alot easier said than done.

And why is it that I always like people who are on the other side of the universe from me? Seriously!! I’m beginning to think its my ineptitude to be in a relationship with someone who is right there with me. But this one….this one stings, burns and any other synonym you can fit in there. It does so because I want to come home to him. I want to learn the boring game of golf because he likes it so much and I would love to walk around a green chasing a little ball because I would be doing it with him. He knows just how to make me laugh from so far away when I’ve got the flu. I want to take care of him when he has the flu even though like most men, he thinks he’s this big strong he-man that doesn’t need taking care of. I know he likes it when I do. I want to go walking into town with him because we like the same things. He knows I’m not the girlie girl type and I’m fine in my slacks, vans and a tee even on a night out and he’s cool with that. I want to smell him around me every day because he has that yummy smell that belongs to just him. I want to have our silly arguments because he knows I’m competitive and understands my jokes and I get his and we have fun together being competitive. I want to wake up to him and not just him on my wall.

I don’t really know what it is that we have right now…it’s sort of hanging in the “unknown” right now. I still feel like we are but we both know we’re free to mingle, but we can’t and so it’s complex and …. oh I don’t know…set a butterfly free etc I keep repeating to myself!

Tag tag tag

Ok, so I shall fulfill my tagging duties as set by her. I will be sure to tag you too soon enough lol. So first thing’s first…lay out the rules…which are….drumroll please…

Link to the person that tagged you. - Post the rules on your blog. - Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. - Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs. - Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website

So there you have it. I have a feeling I’ve done this tag before but I couldn’t be bothered to look for that post so I’ll just do it again and hey who knows? Maybe my quirks have changed….

1. I doodle flowers, butterflies and names when I’m bored.

2. Hi my name is Kipepeo and I’m addicted to juice.

3. I just can’t get myself to wear rings on my pinky…it just feels so strange

4. I love trying on gloves in shops…it’s therapeutic.

5. I always sleep with one leg out of the covers. So one in and one out. I have convinced myself it’s me finding balance!

6. I hate feet. You know when you’re in bed with someone and they see it fit to rub feet? I can’t stand it!!!

So who do I tag? Hmm….lets see…. well spice, maybe this will get her blogging again, angry somali man just because I like his writing and he’s been M.I.A for a while, movie buff , mustard seed, uhm…who else… my big sister mutumia and Jim Chuchu because I want to be his intern and maybe this will give me brownie points and maybe we can get to know the man behind the art!!

the blame game…

So question.  When do you draw the line between doing the right thing and being a good friend and how do you find middle ground?  When someone close to you does something and you know its wrong.  Should you defend them knowing its wrong?  And does this wrong thing they did all of a sudden become right because - hey, they are you friend after all!  And the person they are wronging….do you become this evil person if you are a shoulder to cry on for them?  Not that you took their side or helped them hate this person more.  But you just listened because they didn’t have anyone to listen to at that point in time and you know you would have needed a shoulder if you were in that same position.  So does that make you this evil person because you do what you think is human and moral?  I don’t seem to think so.  And when a person knows deep down that they messed up.  They simply messed up, the tables were turned and they were caught with their hand in the cookie jar.  I think at that point is when you need to take time out to reflect just a little bit on who you are and what’s going on.  Maybe not spend so much time looking for who you can blame and trying to shift issues.

Stella Mwangi feat. Iddyaziz

I quite like this song…God bless Kenya…

While my country is trying to find peace, I have to put up with nonsense about it.  Last night, while I was slightly tipsy on wine, this person from country X in Africa decides to put a cigarette to my face!!!!  Well it didn’t touch me, but it almost did.  And I’m a peace loving person.  Really I am.  But you just don’t pull things like that.  So off I went, asking him why on earth he would do something like that.  And he pushes me!!!  I stood there for about half a second and then went off at him.  I, Kipepeo, was almost in a fight!!!  So then he goes…”yeah you’re country is war torn anyway, so fight me.”  That right there, was not something I would take lightly, so as I blew my top in disbelief….flashes of me actually hitting him crossed my mind!  I cannot believe it.  But I didn’t.  I almost went to the cops though.  I still can’t believe it.  He pushes me and then has a go at me about how my country is war torn??  Seriously!!!  Some people need to grow up!  Better yet, maybe not even open their mouths!

babies…

Gosh!  Yes I just started a post with “Gosh”!!  One of my classmates had twins!  Since I haven’t been back in like a year, I went to see the two little girlies today.  Oh wow…mother alert anyone?  I want one!!!  They were all soooooo cute all in pink and just being babies.  Their mummy is a full time student who juggles everything and does a brilliant job of it too.  But her husband…bless his soul.  They are like the coolest tag team ever.  They are both really young but they just get on with parenthood as if it was the most natural thing in the world and they do it as an equal team.  It’s sooo sweet.  So yes….motherly feelings are tugging.  Then I think…..nooooooo I’m too busy trying to find me and be young kipepeo so babies will wait!

I must say, I have missed blogging.  I think the break is enough now.  I’ve got the flu again.  It feels like my head is in a bucket.  I’m love struck.  Yup.  That three months pregnant happy glow?  Yeah I’ve got that glow without the pregnancy.  I’m glowing.  But like I said before, its a glow that has notes of sadness in it.  But anyway, I just can’t seem to get my head down to concentrate on stuff I need to be doing.  I think it may be signs of burn out that I really don’t need right now.  I just need to shake it off and do what needs to be done.  Worse still, the other day someone said to me “it must be sad to see your country war torn”.  I just stood there in disbelief.  My country, war torn?  Did war and Kenya just get put in the same sentence?  It’s always been, yeah there’s a bit of unrest, but this “little bit of unrest” just seems to be getting greater by the day.  And so everything else just seems so mundane.  I mean what do I have to complain about?  My flu?   Too many assignments?  Well thats seems so useless compared to people loosing lives, homes, property, basically everything.  So between my sneezes, I shall pray.  I shall send up as many prayers that I can.  I feel completely useless from here, but I can pray.

God bless Kenya

I wish it didn’t have to be quite so hard. I miss him. There isn’t much we can do about it and we’re both wise enough to figure that with him there and me here it can’t work and it would be torture for nothing. But this is torture. It’s been a few years since I saw him, but still he’s still the easiest person for me to be around. He still knows me. Knows that I blush. Knows that I have a killer pride sometimes - and knows how to get around it! It was as if we both hadn’t gone anywhere for all this time. The way he reached for my hand was still the same. All the little things, - they were all the same. The smell that belongs to him, the way he acts all protective over me. It just came all back.

So we decided to let go…for now. But everything is so raw and so fresh and all the feelings and the giddy emotions are still with me. I haven’t been able erase all the texts off my phone. Everything somehow reminds me of him. I guess it’ll get better, but right now it doesn’t feel too good…